Sleep is a side-effect of being tired.

I should probably sleep. It's not that I'm tired, but I feel like I could sleep. Since I generally have to coerce myself into crawling into bed, this is something I'd generally take advantage of.

Yet everything inside of me is telling me to not sleep. I'm still trying to figure out why.

The Butterfly Project is becoming a source of frustration. It's at it's longest stage in the entire game: the transferring of hands. I had intended to do this at least a year ago, actually, but I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. I needed it. As bizarre as it is to say, I needed the clutch of being able to lose oneself into the nuances of a project that always needs just that one more thing, one more adjustment, or one more inspection.

Now, it's time to finally get the batons ready. Systems were already in to play to allow for a change of hands. Once things were finally complete, it was to be handed down into someone who could use the damn thing. We're doing nothing more than making a tool. An tool made of interlacing connections and abstract resources, but a tool all the same. I don't want to use it. I do not have the intelligence to use anything there to it's potential, and I won't waste all of this effort by using only a fragment. If it had been for my personal use, it would have been finished in less than two years, not only now beginning to be made for ease-of-use.

There, however, lies the problems: "ease-of-use." Shit. So much was placed into the project, that finding out what's all available to them would take a few months. No one had bothered to stream-line anything, and those who had mentioned making things easier were ignored because they couldn't figure out how. Now things need to be simplified, and it's just... a mess. The most efficient way to do it is to go back and reconstruct the networks we have from one point to another, but while it's efficient, it's not realistic.

Of course, there's the fact that I have made a point not to get involved personally on this huge step. I simply don't have the nerve. I can simplify explanations and words - though I tend not to simplify myself too often - but to simplify a network of human beings and resource materials? No, thanks. I can give instructions on what needs to be done to maintain things as they tell me what they want to do. That really is all Zack, I, or the few others that were part of the "core" construction, really can bother doing.

Micheal would hate me for this monstrosity. I'm sure of it. "Everyone, become the best at something, then focus your attention at one subject, and we'll FORCE the world to notice!" ... yeah. It was such a nice, simple plan. Instead, I've built the means to MAKE those who can make this goal a reality, without ever finding those who could do it on their own.

It may just be a pipe-dream after all. However, I'm not sure if the dream itself matters anymore. One way or the other, when this is done to the point where it can be called done, I'll be able to step back and say my last farewell. I'm sure of it.

I'm hoping for it.

As to why I'm not sleeping, I still don't know. I just wanted to ramble. One rational reason is that I don't think I can drag my ass out of bed to go to school today if I went to sleep. It just has nothing of interest for me right now. It's just a means to an end, and to be quite frank, no one has been saying anything worth listening to. Nothing worth attending class for. I've met a crippled version of John, just more obnoxious and much easier to ignore, I'm talking to a vague acquaintance from high school - Amanda - again, and I met Jamie again, who I talked to once and never saw a reason to talk to again.

I still have that box that I need to ship to Mariah to have given to Teresa. It's all packed up and ready to go, hiding under my bead. There's something in there I need to give her, but at the same time, I'm kind of afraid of it. I don't know why, it's just... unnerving. Only one of those really needs to get to her, despite it being the most useless, and I can send it it an envelope. Everything else seems somehow... superficial and dry. Almost nothing was even bought - I felt like sending something that had no personal value was pointless - yet it still feels irrelevant.

Hell, do I even have Mariah's address anymore? I don't think I've looked for it yet. Heh. Might want to do that sometime this evening.

Mumbling to myself.
I hope both of you are well.

Rawr.

... Well, shit. I do have a follower. o_O;

I looked at some of the other things you're following, matie, and I have to say while I like literature, writing, and such, this is a blog for a slightly mentally disturbed bastard to post, and then delete, whatever he damn well pleases. Short of a midget and a mono-toned bastard who tends to miss the stuff I delete - unlike the midget, which starts getting annoying when I realize even if I delete something five minutes later, it might still have been seen - this is me talking to myself. If you haven't actually seen my half insane babbling already, I'd advice you to unfollow and pretend you never saw this. Contrary to the title of this blog - which I personally find to be a quite spiffy one - there isn't much consistency here. Not even the inconsistent kind.

Yes, the title is spelled incorrectly. Why the e's have been replaced with a's is a matter of a personal "riddle / code" of sorts, one which I've done somewhere else. The meaning is different than if I had said Inconsistontly Consistont, if that helps anyone who's stupid enough to try and figure out what it might mean.

Seriously, though. I recommend not following this if you're even remotely sane. This is the internet, so you may well not be, but a fair warning has been given, so any future visits to a psychiatric facility that may or may not have been caused as a consequence of you having read this blog... Yeah. I'm not liable for them, will not pay you compensation for them, and will probably giggle my ass off of this chair in response to them.


On another note, I should play with the idea of having an actual blog, for actual things.
... Nah. I don't have the patience, nor the time at the moment.

To the midget: I've been more or less available for the last two or three days, if it means anything. Haven't had much luck bumping into anyone online, but that's how it goes, eh? My mother is still not completely recovered, so talking in the house isn't the best idea for the sake of her rest, and for the life of me, I don't get why I've actually felt cold this year. I like talking outside, but bloody hell is it cold outside, so I'll have to be coaxed into a phone conversation.

May be on Saturday

School hadn't been that big of a hassle last semester, so I can't imagine it'd be now. Dealing with school deadlines wasn't an issue, so much as trying to meet my personal project deadlines on top of it.

As for Saturday: By then, Charlie will be off my hands again. My mother finally got out of the hospital, so I don't have to deal with Korena anymore. Running back and forth between two houses to keep track of two brats was one of the biggest stresses on my patience, so just needing to deal with Charlie makes this all a hell of a lot less annoying. I multitask when work is considered anyway, so I might show up before Sunday, just don't your breath on it, and if I do, expect me to be a bit distracted, and thus annoyed again because I hate dividing my attention when it comes to you two.

... I really need to reassess that priority. I can do it with anyone else, yet it bugs me endlessly when I do it with you two. Outside of my short attention span when it comes to stray cats, I don't like getting distracted when talking to you two. It's why I'm always outside, because otherwise I'll be rummaging through my crap or scribbling on paper to find something to do with my restless fingers, not to mention it makes it suddenly immensely more difficult for anyone else to bother me. It shouldn't bug me, but it does, and I think I need to reconsider reprogramming that agitation out somehow.

Anyhow, yeah. I'll do my best to be on Saturday, if nothing else. I might actually try sleeping at a decent time Sunday just for show, otherwise I'd promise that, too.

A brief explanation.

Mother was admitted into the hospital due to stomach complications, so I have to keep track of Korena and her school things.

In addition, Charlie's mother went on another business trip, so I'm nannying again, because I had agreed to do this a while ago, and the hospitalization was too short notice for her. So there's that.

I'm trying to finish up a few things within my happy little project so that I can get back into the swing of school next week without unneeded deadlines, and I'm trying to deal with the fun that is dealing with school next week.

Yeah. I'm burned out. What time I spend not taking care of two kids - Korena may be old enough to take care of herself, but she sure as hell doesn't know how to - I'm finishing up irritating things. Aside from that, I wasn't exactly in the best state of moods when all of this started to begin with.

Most of my time not kid-juggling or working will probably be spent trying to do the least engaging thing I can think of.

Figured it's been long enough. I kind of feel like I might have been more distant, and have said hi less frequently if I was less busy, but this is just me throwing a "I'm not avoiding anyone. I just don't have the energy" line.